is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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