Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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