I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize