I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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