Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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