I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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