the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
