If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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