Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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