yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
