I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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