I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
