There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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