Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He shit in the fireplace
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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