You're my little dorito
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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