Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
