it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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