Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
