Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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