when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
