I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I need to calm my uterus...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
