I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
