I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
