He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
