Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
