the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
