The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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