ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I AM VODKA MAN
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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