Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
