Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
