i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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