I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
