we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
