we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize