I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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