I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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