I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
