he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
