Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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