I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize