No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
