if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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