I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
