Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
