I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
