well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
