I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I believe in your delicious
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
