I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
