i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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