so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he puts the penis in happiness.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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