so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
