Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
someone threw a dead crab at me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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