so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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