Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
