when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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