i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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