I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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