Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
