I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
