She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."