just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?