I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
