Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
