I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
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Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.