Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.