Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!