She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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