....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
