come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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