i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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