Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I got inside last night via doggy door
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
