Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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