I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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