my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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